


The Journal of Denial

by Salrose



Series: Macy's Journal [1]
Category: Charmed (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 22:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21465718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salrose/pseuds/Salrose
Summary: Macy writes journal entries about Harry.
Relationships: Harry Greenwood/Macy Vaughn
Series: Macy's Journal [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1549984
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	The Journal of Denial

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in those 3 Weeks after the Season Finale and before the Season Premiere.

**Journal Entry 157 **

**Day 3 After The Incident**

Harry kept on looking at me today. I mean he always looks at me. We are always sharing looks. His looks were so reassuring and comforting. But things had changed after the incident. The incident being me turning into the Source and reading Harry's thoughts that he was in love with me. We agreed that we would not talk about it again. It is for the best. Harry obviously doesn't want to talk about it. Maybe he really didn't mean what I thought he meant. Okay, maybe he did, with the way he awkwardly moved his hand away from me when I, amped up on power and booming confidence, told him I knew what he was thinking. It has been three days and we have sort of gotten back to normal. We have fallen back into a rhythm of dealing with problems in the magical world. Mel loves the whole us being in charge thing. I, on the other hand, am not too comfortable with the prospect of that. I almost destroyed the world so...it does make me apprehensive about it. Harry seems to get that. He is so gentle with me and constantly asks if I am okay. We still have our little talks where I can be honest and candid with him, mostly. But something has changed. I can feel it in the air. I can feel it in the awkward silences and the way he stares and quickly looks away when he realizes that he is doing it. I am sure the awkwardness will subside and we can get back to normal. And whatever Harry was feeling probably was from the intensity of the situation and he will get over it. Everything will be fine.

**Journal Entry 158 **

**Day 4 After The Incident **

Oh great, now I am the one who is staring. I don't mean to stare or just watch him for more than is necessary. I can't help but wonder what he is thinking. He has gotten back to normal, mostly, but now I think the problem is me. It has to be his eyes. There is something fascinating about his eyes. It's the glint in his eyes when he looks at me that makes me not want to look away. Perhaps if I draw his eyes I could investigate it further. What is it about his eyes that are so damn difficult to look away from?

** Journal Entry 159 **

**Day 6 After The Incident **

I figured it out. It's not his eyes. It's his smile. It's the soft curve of his lips that have me fascinated and make it difficult for me to look away. It's the soft warmth that his smile relects whenever he smiles at me. It has me giving him lingering looks. His smile makes the rest of Harry shine and exudes a warmth and light that makes the whole room shine. So it is his smile. I drew the curve of his lips and I can just see why I keep staring. It is his smile.

**Journal Entry 160 **

**Day 8 After The Incident **

Oh great I drew Harry. I drew his whole face. It was only for scentific observational purposes and not because I can't stop thinking about him. I can't let this consume me like this. I can't be the problem. I can't be the one who has feelings. I was just obsessing because of what I heard in his head. It is something I couldn't unhear or unthink about. What makes it worse is that he doesn't want to talk about it. He tries so hard to act like nothing has happened. He wants to go back to normal like nothing happened. He does a good job of pretending it doesn't affect him. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe they were merely fleeting thoughts and he really is over it. Isn't that what I wanted? I don't want him to have romantic feelings for me. Right?

**Journal Entry 161**

** Day 10 After The Incident **

Okay, so he definitely still has feelings for me. How do I know this? He told me! He just mentioned it in passing like we were just talking about something we normally discussed like tea or almond milk or demons or something. We were talking about a complicated spell and he just mentioned his unfortunate feelings. Then he stumbled a bit, blushed, looked away, and changed the subject. I wanted to bring the conversation back there. I wanted to tell him that his feelings weren't unfortunate. I wanted to tell him that I liked that he had feelings for me. I wanted to tell him that I liked the way he looked at me. I wanted to tell him that he made me feel special, valued, and warm. I wanted to tell him that his feelings weren't unfortunate because...well because I had feelings for him too. But I didn't, of course, since Harry had changed the subject.

**Journal Entry 162 **

**Day 12 After The Incident**

** Pros of Starting A Relationship With Harry**:

  1. I could see his smile more.
  2. We would be happy.
  3. I would feel safe and warm and at peace.
  4. The awkwardness could stop.
  5. So would the frustration.
  6. I could kiss him whenever I wanted.
  7. I wouldn't have to keep making excuses why I can't spend time with him.

**Cons To Starting A Relationship With Harry: **

  1. It's forbidden.
  2. It could complicate our dynamic with my sisters.
  3. It could compromise his duty as our Whitelighter.
  4. If we broke up it would be too hard to get over.
  5. It could be too complicated.
  6. If we have problems who do I talk to about it with? I couldn't talk to my sisters about him since they are close to him too and it would be like putting them in the middle.
  7. I could lose him.
  8. My sisters could lose him.

I can't risk it. It's too much. I was alone for so long. This could cause too many problems. It doesn't matter. I was merely reflecting on the possibility.

**Journal Entry 163 **

**Day 14 After The Incident **

There was an opportunity I heard about that is towns away. I'm going for it. It's my dream job, after all. It is everything I wanted for myself before I found this family, before I became a Charmed One. I don't want to leave my sisters. But after everything that has happened I need some normalcy. If I moved a town a way I could still be a part of my sisters lives without having to see Harry every day. I need to not be around Harry. I have always worked so hard to keep and maintain a control. When I am around him I want to lose control. I want to kiss him. I want to climb on top of him and...well that cannot happen. I just need to not be around him so much. Maybe if I am further away and do not have so many oppurtunities to be alone with him, then I could get over this. It will be for the best. Yep. This should work.

**Journal Entry 164 **

**Day 16 After The Incident **

I don't know how I am going to do it. How am I going to stay away from Harry? I am always able to go to him and talk to him about everything. Could I really do away with that? Well, I might not even get the job so it might not even matter. I can do this. Can't I? We have been able to play this game of pretending nothing has happened. We are able to function. And despite any small moments of awkwardness we still can talk. I can still rely on him and he can still rely on me. Could I really give up on that? We are both good at ignoring our feelings for the greater good. So maybe I don't have to walk away.

** Journal Entry 165 **

**Day 18 After The Incident **

I think I may have almost kissed Harry today. I mean it could have been a moment he missed. There were moments before where I wanted to kiss him. This could have been different. We had just defeated a nasty demon and I was so happy and thrilled that we made it and that Harry made it through. I hugged him and our faces were so close and I almost slipped. I almost kissed him right there in front of my sisters. That can't happen. I can't lose control like that again. 

**Journal Entry 166 **

**Day 20 After The Incident**

I got the job. I am relieved because at this point I would have to make a flimsy excuse of why I couldn't be around my sisters and Harry all of the time. So at least I can tell them I am taking my dream job and I want somewhat of a normal life. I don't have to admit the whole awkwardness with Harry. It's not that I don't want to tell my sisters about my feelings for Harry, I do. I wish I could tell them. I can't tell them because Harry has become a part of this family. He's not just our Whitelighter, he has become like a brother or even father figure to them. I don't want to complicate it. And if I told Maggie she would try to set us up or something. And I don't even know how Mel would react. But it's going to be fine, since I am going to work at this new job and I will not spend so much time with Harry and I will get over it. It will be fine.

** Journal Entry 167 **

**Day 21 After The Incident**

I'm not sure how I am going tell Harry. I'm afraid of the whole conversation. I'm afraid that some difficult truths are going to come out while I tell him about me taking a job and moving. I'm also afraid he'll just know the reason why. I really am dreading the whole thing. Even though I am dreading it, I know this is for the best. I have feelings for Harry and I can't do anything about it, so this is the best option really. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know if anyone wants anymore journal entries. I might write journal entries based on each Ep. I'm still thinking about it.


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